presque vu
by hayairei
Summary: Was it a dream? Was it some sort of epiphany? Between train rides and reality, the only thing Shiraishi Megumi knew was that she's too lost. (Fantasy, Tragedy, Angst in later chapters) Set in the 2nd season and after.
1. the early calm before the storm

Title: presque vu

Pairing: Aizawa/Shiraishi

Summary: Was it a dream? Was it some sort of epiphany? Between train rides and reality, the only thing Shiraishi Megumi knew was that she's too lost.

Notes: a canon-verse AU with a fantasy twist in it. More angst and tragedy coming in the next chapters. Another entry for aishiraburu's fic festival, I hope you guys will enjoy this! And this should be completed by the 9th.

* * *

Shiraishi Megumi was running late. The fact that the newly opened train station was so packed also didn't help her in any way. As she frantically tried walking faster and keeping her thick textbooks aligned in her hands, she accidentally bumped into the person in front of her. The consequences of skipping a few steps of the stairs in hope to reach the platform faster was, to be in such a predicament. The fall was not too high, but her precious textbooks were scattered all around the place.

"I'm truly sorry!" was all she could mumble as she went down on her knees and reached for her books. Surprisingly, the person she bumped into also went on his knees. He had already collected one of her heavier textbook.

As he handed her the book, their eyes met, and she felt her whole world stopped.

She couldn't see anything else but him.

A few seconds of deafening silence engulfed them, seeping through the air finding its way towards their bones. She didn't even realise her heart skipped a bit, lungs temporarily cutting air support to her blood vessels. When she finally blinked her eyes, the gentleman let out an awkward cough. It brought the woman back to earth along with the train's hustle from the distance jostling up her brain to start working properly.

With more remorse and gratefulness, Shiraishi bowed her head as low as possible in front of the sharp-looking stranger, screaming "I'm very sorry for the inconvenience! I'm sorry!" attracting the looks of everyone on the platform. Then, she sensed all the stare she's getting. She retrieved her book from his hands in haste, trying to hide her reddening cheeks. With another bow, she tried running away from the man who hadn't even had the chance to say anything in reply.

Her plan was to quickly blend with the other passengers waiting on the platform, but as she tried to stand up, she felt her right ankle hurt. She thought she had embarrassed herself enough for the day, but then she must drag herself in pain towards one of the line, choosing for a car. Lowering her eyes, she walked slowly— because it hurts very much, the swelling of her ankles, and also her _pride_. All her brain could think of was to scold herself, all the while trying to not look at anyone in the eye, especially the person she bumped into.

She really wished she could have a seat on the train. Sadly reality called. She's on the last end of the queue and it sank her heart. Every few seconds she could feel her ligaments reminding her it needed immediate attention, and it resulted in a very unsightly expression presented on her face. Sweat has begun to trickled down her spine, the combination of summer heat and all the happenings that was going against her— but she hadn't realized it.

When the train finally went on a halt in the platform, she heaved a sigh of relief. She wanted to chase away the heat and embarrassment, fanning her face with her free hand, to no avail.

Shiraishi settled standing in a corner of the car, leaning her back towards the carriage's wall. She hoped it'd ease the pressure on her ankles. As she started to feel much more comfortable in her position, she noticed a familiar pair of shoes right in front of her. Something inside told her to look up, to see why it left such an impression. And then she saw him— the same guy whom she bumped into, causing a frenzy of blood rushing down her cheeks.

He paid her no heed though, his eyes set on the landscape seen through the windows on her back as the train set on its journey. The sound of its wheels clashing with the rails reverberating through the air.

"Shiraishi, sit down,"

She heard a voice ringing through her eardrums, her senses coming back to her. When she opened her eyes, she met Aizawa's eyes telling her to sit down. He was pointing to a now-empty-seat next to her. She realized she had fallen asleep standing, leaning on the carriage's railing on the ends of the seats.

_What a shame!_ It must have been not a pretty sight from Aizawa's point of view as he stood right across her. She scolded herself silently in her brain before she moved to the available seat apologetically. The multiple-shifts must have taken the toll on her, the burned-out feeling on the back of her mind had finally re-materialized. It was not quite a good day.

It was another afternoon in which the heli could not fly anymore. They're not a priority to be picked up from the location after transporting the patients first, resulting the predicament she and Aizawa was in. They have to go back to the hospital with other means of transportation and it just happened that the most convenient was the train. Not that it really bothered the both of them.

The sun was setting, orange hues coloring the sky before the stars. Shiraishi was absentmindedly looking through the train's windows as she felt something bothering her. She didn't know how long she had fallen asleep for before Aizawa woke her up. There was only one thing she's sure of, that she dreamt of something.

What she dreamt of, she couldn't put her fingers on it. There's just a feeling of familiarity lingering on her bothered subconsciousness, as if it was a memory. A lost memory.


	2. the calm before the storm

"Aizawa, Shiraishi, we're leaving first!"

An awfully cheery Hiyama announced her departure towards the two flight doctors who seemed to need another hour or two of drinks. Or a moment by themselves.

"We? I don't recall I'm going too?!" Fujikawa wondered out loud, gaining a menacing look from Hiyama who immediately hissed.

"Let's go while we're still not the subject of Shiraishi's madness. You don't have any reason to be here anyways," silencing the shorter doctor ultimately.

"Well, Saejima ain't coming and I do have the morning shift tomorrow..." trailing off, Fujikawa tried making excuses for himself, mostly. Accepting the reality and catching the glint of playfulness in Hiyama's eyes, he also left Mary Jane's Bar.

With Hiyama and Fujikawa gone, the atmosphere become considerably heavier at the bar. Shiraishi was sitting at the stool, her usual place. Aizawa occupied his unreserved designated sofa in the corner of the shop. It was not like something particularly bad happened to each of them. They just somehow felt the need loosen up their nerves. And then the time passed. No actual worthy exchange between the two doctors happened, but they feel enough that they have each other's company.

Aizawa decided it was enough drinks for him for the day after another two glasses and completing his pistachios building. Then he noticed Shiraishi had fallen asleep by the stool. He let out a sigh, wondering what to do with the woman.

"Kousaku, you should take Ugly home," Mary Jane eyed him, with a pensive look on his face.

"You don't have to tell me," he replied quite snarkily. He put on his jacket and approached her step by step, an annoyed sneer flashing in his eyes. Mary Jane winked and grinned in between the clatters of glasses, "Yes, yes, I know you're a fine gentleman, now now you should really get the lady home," and then left the doctors on their own devices.

"Shiraishi," he called out her name in hope to wake her up. He actually didn't want too woke her from her slumber because the look on her face was so peaceful, but if she didn't wake up he'd have to carry her somehow. He didn't know if it's appropriate or not— and he heaved another sigh.

Feeling a warm skin over her shoulders, Shiraishi started to regain her consciousness. When she looked to her right, she saw Aizawa and smiled delightfully, "Aizawa-sensei is here!" putting her arms over his shoulders. Truthfully he was quite taken aback by the sudden lack of distance between the two of them. But the alcohol in his systems told him to enjoy it while it lasts, a thought that would never emerge when he's completely sober.

"We should go," he said in a firm voice. At the back of his mind he thought he should reward himself for being able to stay this little bit conscious over everything that's happening— the glimmer in her eyes, her megawatt smile, the sweet smell of her perfume mixed with antiseptics, all the things that should have rendered him speechless apparent before his eyes.

"Eh? But I want more _sake_…" the woman uncharacteristically whined. Aizawa had to practically helped her put on her coat and dragged her out from the shop not to cause any further disturbance.

Once outside, Shiraishi stumbled out of Aizawa's grip, running a few steps away from the man. "Ah, such a good weather.." she looked back, staring at the fellow doctor. They met eye to eye for a few seconds before Aizawa broke the stare. He decided they really need to get to their homes respectively. He had placed a stern grip on Shiraishi's shoulder and was trying to hail a cab he saw driving through the street when she realized what he was doing.

"Aizawa-kun, I don't... like... the cab…" she slurred and tried to break free from his grip, surprising him initially. She decided to sit down on the pedestrian walk comfortably, which to Aizawa looked like she was throwing a tantrum. A little bit weirded out by the happening, he wondered what he should do. People started to throw funny looks towards the both of them. Aizawa knew he has to do things quickly.

He crouched down, positioning himself in the same level with Shiraishi. "The bus have stopped running," he tried to persuade her, pleading with his eyes for her to come back to her usual self. For heaven's sake it was freezing— he didn't knew her drunken episode would be such a bother. It was not the first time he had to deal with it, but this time, it was getting more out of hand.

Shiraishi merely looked down, seemingly interested to read the guiding block on the pavement which actually only translates to _go straight_ and _stop_, running away from his eyes.

"Shiraishi, we don't have all night to walk home," she heard him soliciting.

"Train! We could take the train!" She enthusiastically suggested with sparkles in her eyes.

_I am not letting Shiraishi drink this lot ever again—_Aizawa cursed in his head. Giving up, he stood up straight and offered his hands to the woman, "To the train station it is," which Shiraishi gladly take in hers to help her stand up.

"Yeay," she let a small winning exclamation, laughing silently, beaming at Aizawa's sour expression.

How he managed to get the both of them safely unto the train carriage was a wonder even for himself. Truth be told, ever since Shiraishi knew they're heading to the train station she's been at least a little bit more manageable. It's the second to last train for the day, and he succeeded finding the both of them seats side by side as it was not too crowded.

As soon as the train depart from the station nearest of Mary Jane's Bar, Shiraishi fell asleep once again. With the stars illuminating her face through the windows, Aizawa closed his eyes momentarily. He felt her head leaning on his shoulders. He could briefly hear the sound of the train journey diminishing in between his dropping consciousness.

Shiraishi felt her neck stiffened. Her ankles had also not completely healed, and with all the work and walking she had been doing for the past week, it's safe to say that it's not healing any time soon. She needed to return a few of the textbooks she borrowed from the neighbouring town's library, so she found herself jostled up in between people in the commuting train.

Once every so often she eyed at the seats in every side of the carriage, hope in vain to find a free one. She sighed in distress finding none, settling to stand in front of a man who fell asleep in his seat with his hat covering his face. Down inside her heart, she started to judge the asleep man.

_Judging from his physique he must be a young, healthy man, the war has barely ended and now young men are getting lazier as time goes by? _She scoffed silently, suppressing all her inconvenience unto one emotion— annoyance. The fact that she bolted up from breakfast this morning also contributed to her dampening mood. The hunger was starting to creep in. As she buried herself in her thoughts, the train shaked as it passed a not so smooth railway, catching her off-guard. It resulted her to loosen her grip on the textbooks, letting it all fall ungracefully towards the person in front of her.

As the books landed on the man's lap, Shiraishi could only gape in horror witnessing the happening. The man instantly woke up from the shock and of the pain ensued. His hat was thrown off his face, letting her see him wincing. The look of his discomfort brought her around of her mistake. Unsure of what to do, she nearly screamed an apology straight away, before noticing his hands gesturing not to say anything. Instead, the man gathered her textbooks on his lap and handed it to her. He stood up from his seat.

"Go ahead and sit here," he said casually, leaving her speechless and motionless. Shiraishi felt him guiding her to sit, and as she got a seat unexpectedly, she realized he somewhat felt familiar. The man settled standing in front of her and she could only mutter her gratefulness guiltily from her seat. She hoped the world could swallow her or something— she had embarrassed herself again in front of this man. He's the one from the station a few weeks ago!

The mortification led her to pretend an urgent need to drown herself in one of her textbook, shying away from the all the stares she got. She didn't know when, but at some point of the ride she fell asleep. Her opened textbook fell from her hands ungracefully.

"Shiraishi, we're near," a warm, fuzzy voice woke her up from her dream. It hovered around her mind subtly. The position she was in felt very comfortable, and she felt like she didn't want to actually wake up. She had this urge to treasure the moment some more.

"I don't want to get up," her alcohol-induced brain decided to speak for her. "Your shoulders' comfortable," she stated as a matter of factly, catching the man off-guard. But Aizawa's got enough attacks from Shiraishi for the day. He forced iron walls around him, compartmentalizing himself.

"Enough ramblings for today Shiraishi, we're getting out from here," he let out a final sigh. Then she displayed an expression resembling a kicked-puppy, unaware of what it's causing her chaperone for the night. It was not quite a pleasant night.

* * *

Shiraishi hummed happily, striding down the streets in joy, heading towards the train station. She drummed her fingers excitedly on the straps of her bag. The bustle of the busy city in the morning was enjoyable.

Shiraishi made sure she's got plenty of time today, waking up an hour earlier than usual to do everything she needs before she had to leave for her classes. And then she checked her wrist watch once again, reassured as she saw the time stamp showing.

_As expected, waking up earlier is always a good thing, _she mused to herself. Successfully bought her tickets after queuing, she was planning to proceed immediately unto the platforms. She wanted to wait for her train peacefully. She checked on her belongings one last time to make sure she's got everything she would need later. Just as she decided to pass through the gates, her eyes noticed someone supposedly in need of help.

A woman in her late sixties was standing alone, looking a little bit confused by the surroundings. It seemed as if she was looking for a certain something. Her eyes wandering all over the place with an ounce of worry. She's properly dressed for a trip and she's got a little bit of luggage, but when she got another look on of the older lady's face, Shiraishi felt that she would very much appreciate the assistance she'd offer.

Before she realized, her feet already took her closer to the older woman. Suddenly on a voluntary mission.

"Excuse me…," Shiraishi trailed off politely, in hope not to scare the older woman. Her presence caught the much older woman off-guard. Seeing a stranger approaching her, moreover a very charming young-lady, something that's not usually expected to happen surely would alert anybody.

"Do you need any help, Ma'am?" She tried to offer assistance in the least patronizing way possible, at least she hoped she sounded like it.

The lady hesitated, eyes wandering towards the surrounding once again. But then it was as if a realization dawned in her. The fact that she did need some help, it urged her to open up to Shiraishi.

"I'm sorry to impose this on you, but, I actually need to go to the restroom," the older woman trailed off towards her luggage, "The luggage is a little bit to heavy for me to carry by myself, and also my grandson also told me to wait here as he went to buy our tickets."

As the older woman finished her explanation with much uneasiness and a little shy smile, Shiraishi took a proper look on the luggages. Judging it possible for her to carry it herself, she offered her help, "I can carry them if you'd like, Ma'am, and I will also accompany you to the restroom."

"Is it really okay?" the older woman asked once again to ensure her willingness, harboring feelings of gratefulness in spite of her initial wariness.

The reply came in the form of Shiraishi collecting the few luggages the older woman brought in her hands. She led the both of them to the restroom. She hummed to herself again, another lovely tune sung as she wait for the older lady taking care of her business. While she took care greatly of the luggages, she's got the chance to enjoy the busy train surrounding. Hearing the murmurs of morning conversations and announcements in between people's footsteps. The trains coming and going sending her into a daydream.

Her romanticizing her surrounding was put on a halt when the older lady emerged out, business all taken care of with a different smile apparent on her face.

"Thank you," she politely bowed, and Shiraishi bowed back quickly, putting together the belongings once again and they both went back to the place the older woman's supposed to wait in.

"_Baa-chan!_"

As they near the supposed waiting spot, they both heard a quite frantic exclamation, coming from a man.

"Ah, it must've been my grandson," the older woman let out a knowing smile. With a playful glee in her eyes, she stared at Shiraishi. It resulted the both of them to fasten their steps.

"Kousaku!" she called out, in hope to get the man's attention. It proved to work. The man let out an audible sigh of relief as soon as he saw the two women walking towards where he was.

He immediately ambushed the older woman with questions, worry apparent on his sharp face. "Where did you go, _Baa-chan_? Didn't I tell you to wait here?" eyes all over the older lady, inspecting if something happened to her.

"...I only went to the restroom. And I have this pretty young lady right here offering me assistance, you don't have to worry, Kousaku," She beamed at her grandson, easing the look on his face.

Shiraishi hadn't properly take notice of the grandson's face before the man bowed in gratefulness, startling her. She stated that it's just as expected of the society to help older people, or people in need in general. And then she finally saw it, _his face. _When he stood straight in all his glory, the only thing she could think of was to quickly run.

_It's that guy again, the one I had imposed on so many troublesome things before! _

She wondered if the universe's playing with her somehow. She just couldn't understand. Gimmicking to look at her wrist-watch, Shiraishi hurriedly bowed one last time, conveying her parting greetings in haste.

"Excuse me now, my train is coming," and disappear unto the platform before the older lady or the man could give any other response.

After making sure she's not by the sight of the two, she let the breath she didn't know she was holding out. She felt a kind of unknown heat roamed all over her veins. Especially ones on her cheeks and ears, painting her face in the red hue of embarrassment. Even inside the train carriage, she found the need to cool her face more so she grabbed a thin book from her bag she could use to produce wind.

As she's started to cool off, she heard someone calling her, pushing her out of her reverie.

"Shiraishi?"

"Aa.., Aizawa-sensei," she replied, a little bashful for she did not expect to meet him here, in the same train, moreover in the same carriage. What are the odds of something like this to happen? Her mind had wandered to god knows where, and the next thing she knew was that Aizawa was in front of her. The universe was really on to something, she thought to herself.

"What are you doing here?"

She felt the curiosity radiating from his eyes. Shiraishi hesitated. This is not the line she frequented everyday, she knew he knows it. If she were to lie, she felt like he's going to see right through her anyways, so she decided she should just come clean with him.

"I was..actually.. going to Kinue-san's nursery," she trailed off slowly, paying attention to his expression which usually didn't say much. But this time, it looked quite puzzled, filled with so much questions he'd want to ask, like why would she even do _that_? She asked herself the very same question each second passing, still quite unsure of what actually made her do this.

"You see, the other day.., I've imposed on you too much, haven't I..?" He nodded silently, recognizing what she's talking about. Memories of Shiraishi and their drunken escapade flashed through his brain, not that it actually bothered him, since it's Shiraishi after all.

"I don't know how to face you, actually," she paused, "But I really wanted to do something for you! As a token of my gratitude. I thought that maybe I could visit Kinue-san, you tend to be too busy, ah, b-but, I..I'm sorry if I'm doing something inappropriate! I'll just get off on the next station a.."

"...Shiraishi, it's okay. Stay," He cut her words halfway, leaving her mind blank. "An extra company will make her happier." Shiraishi heaved a sigh of relief while Aizawa took a sit next to her automatically, as if it's the norm. And just like that, a comfortable silence ensued between the both of them.

"Thank you," He silently whispered, not finding the right words to say. Aizawa couldn't say anything else to her, even when he's got a thousand things he wanted to convey, countless emotions restrained by his own tongue.

To reply that, she merely smiled at him and shook her head lightly. Between the two of them, words were always unnecessary anyways, merely unneeded decoration hanging loosely in the air. It was quite a good day, in a sense.

In between the silence, she wondered what it is, the flash of happenings her brain decided to project just before Aizawa showed up. Did she daydream?


	3. the drizzle before the storm

Everything that has happened for these few days must have taken the toll on her body, for she's started to imagining things. She's pretty sure she's imagining things. What else could it be if not imagination? She'd _really_ like to think it's really not real, because she's only been staring at the sight in front of her in silence like a fool for more than a minute.

The supposed to be imagination let out a voice, "Shiraishi," startling the woman who was standing in front of her house with all her luggages.

"I'm sorry for your loss," the man with his own luggages conveyed his condolence right off the bat, reminding her of reality.

"..Oh. Yes. Thank you, for coming," quite disoriented, Shiraishi finally realized that it's really Aizawa standing in front of her doorstep. She could only receive the condolence in auto-pilot. His coming was not expected, as she herself was planning to get back to Chiba already.

"Can I, pay my respects?" He trailed off quietly, trying to grasp of the situation. He saw the disconcerted state she was in, his own uncertainty piling up not the way he likes.

"Come in. You can put your belongings here," she guided him inside, placing their things by the entrance neatly. The journey to her living-room felt so long, full with heavy atmosphere. It bothered even the usually stoic neurosurgeon. She's never looked back at him while leading the way. All he could see is her defeated back, one he's rarely seen.

"Mother," she called her mother, loud enough to be heard but quiet enough not to startle the older woman, before slowly opening the door to the living room. Her mother was sitting silently near the table they set her father's memorial in.

"This is Aizawa, a comrade of mine," she explained briefly and Aizawa did a courtesy bow.

"I'm sorry for not making it to the actual funeral."

"_Ara,_ so this is the Aizawa-_sensei_ Megumi's talked about so much," the older woman let out a smile, just not reaching her eyes. He just knew, so as she did.

"Mother!" Shiraishi gasped in horror. He definitely did not have to know he came up regularly on her conversation with her mother.

Aizawa could feel the tension lightening up somehow, and let out an imaginary relieved sigh in his mind. Why's he nervous he didn't know, but the sight of the bereaved family showing capabilities of laughing assured him. Whether the sadness' completely gone is another matter they'll surely tackle later, one at a time. He paid his respects for Shiraishi's father in silence, praying just a short prayer to not exhaust Shiraishi and her mother any longer.

After a cup of tea— which Aizawa was forced to take even when he's ready to leave anytime to let the older woman rest, he and Shiraishi said their goodbye to her mother. Shiraishi's heading to Chiba with the bullet train and so he decided he should too. They head to the station together mostly in silence, Aizawa not knowing what's appropriate to talk about and Shiraishi's not exactly in the mood to go the extra mile, making small-talks. She found enough consolation in his company, even in at the lack of words.

It's not until they're seated side by side on the train with her by the window, that he broke the silence. "I'm really sorry for not coming with the others to the funeral, then bothering you and your mother more," he continued, "thank god the conference ended earlier so I could make a stop at your house." He knew he's talking too much, very unlike of himself. But that's the least he could do to ease the sadness he knew she's still harboring.

Shiraishi merely shook her head, a small smile painted on her tired face. "No, thank you for coming." She sniffed, trying to hold her tears that

was already swelling in her eyes. Trying to mask her sadness, she looked out the window and gaze upon the scenery, calming herself. When she thought she's well enough to speak without quivers, she asked, "The conference must have been tiring, right? So, hows your first conference after transfering to neurosurgery?"

It's just so like her to care more about others, he thought. He decided that maybe this would serve as a good enough distraction so he told her his experience, explaining things he knew she's going to be interested in. Halfway through a sentence after a few minutes, he realized she's fallen asleep. He found her head hanging in a crooked position. He noticed her eyebags and dark circles, and thought it's a pretty good idea to let her rest— forgiving her for falling asleep as he's talking about supposedly such an interesting topic.

As the sun set behind the windows, the hues of the sky changing, he gently place her head on his shoulders, acting as a human pillow to not let her get hurt anymore. That's the very least of consolation he could give, he thought in defense. And he supposed he could also get some sleep, before closing his own eyes and falling into a comfortable slumber.

Shiraishi really couldn't wait to get home. She tapped her fingers impatiently in her seat, as if doing it was gonna make the train move faster. Once in a while, she darted her eyes off to the overhead compartment across, making sure her package was still there. Smiling when she confirmed it's still there, she completely missed the exact same sized and covered package next to hers.

The more the train's closer to her home station, the more crowded it became. It's gotten hard to see the compartment her package was in, the hoard of people standing hindering her field of view. When it's time for her to get off, it was with a great deal trying to move in between the masses of people in front of her. Getting her package down from the compartment was quite a hassle, and she nearly missed the stop. When she finally get down to the platform, she let out a happy sigh and stared at the package happily.

Until she saw the name on the package, which was not her name. She stared at it blankly for a good minute, not knowing of what to do. She's started to imagine all sorts of worst scenarios, panicking inside, feeling lost all of a sudden. Then she decided to head to the station master, hoping the officers would be able to offer some help.

She really hoped someone just mistook taking her package, for all the books inside is worth her life.

"Excuse me, I think someone mistook my package.." she was just about to explain the happenings to the officer, when she heard it. Someone calling for her name.

"Shiraishi Megumi-_san_?" a manly voice resonated with hesitance. At the end of it, she quickly turned around.

"Yes!" replying with utmost exhilaration at the brink of desperation, she wished the man brought good news. Then she saw him brought a package, exactly the same as the one she's holding, just that her name's written on top of it.

"I'm sorry, I think I mistook your package," he showed her the package in all its glory, which made her glint in happiness. In turn, she read the name written on the package she's got to confirm. "Aizawa Kousaku-_san_, is it?"

"Yes."

They both bowed out of courtesy, more of him apologizing to the woman once again. Exchanging packages, he could not help but notice her brightened expression after she got her own package. Her smile found its way to his memories, engraved unexpectedly. Before long, Shiraishi took her leave, as she really needed to get home.

In the middle of the way, she realized one thing. It was the guy his grandmother she helped last time, and the same guy she let her books fall unto, and also the one she tripped upon. She was happily skipping her steps, but as realization dawned in her she unconsciously stopped going.

"Aizawa Kousaku.." she mouthed the name once again, whispered with mixed feelings of gratefulness and embarrassment. Passerbys noticed her reddening cheeks, but she herself didn't. She could only felt the heat of the moment. What is really happening? She asked herself, feeling lost at what she should actually feel.

"Shiraishi, wake up, we should get ready to get off,"

A familiar voice woke her up from her slumber. She felt the fatigue kicking in once again, but the comfort and warmth of her pillow provided enough rest for her. _Did I bring a pillow— _once she realized the position she's in, she instantly opened her eyes. True to her speculation, she found herself leaning on Aizawa's shoulders, she didn't know for how long.

She immediately detached herself from the comfort that is Aizawa's shoulder and look him in the eyes.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that, your shoulders' must've been sore right now."

"It's okay once in a while," Aizawa dismissing it as if it's the norm.

His reply didn't make sense to her. The confusion must be displayed outright in her face and he could read it, as he explained more. Maybe he knew she needed a little bit of a more logical explanation.

"You're really tired. I'm just helping you to get a better rest."

She didn't know how to react properly to that. She felt so lost, but in a kind of a maze she won't mind getting lost into. She'd try to get out of this maze later, when she could really think straight. She's just really thankful right then for Aizawa's company, since it made her day adequately okay.


	4. the hypothetical storm

Notes: There's a little change of plans so the chapter I posted today won't be the last chapter. But rest assured, I have finished writing the whole story (or at least, I thought I did *evil grin*). It also turned out to be longer than I expected so please bear with me. Enjoy reading!

* * *

Shiraishi sighed for the umpteenth time that day, the usually comforting atmosphere of the library couldn't even calm her insides. She had purposely left home earlier than she should, taking shelter in the said place before she had to attend the dreaded rendezvous. She didn't realize, but time to time other library-goers wondered of her being there, definitely overdressed for only going to such a place, and thoughts seemingly anywhere but there.

Utterly failed at trying to read the book in front of her, she took notice of the time by the gigantic clock hanging on the library's wall. Shiraishi let out a final exasperated sigh, accepting her fate. She tidied up all her belongings and the books she's supposed to read then headed towards the library reception. She silently returned the book and said her thank you to the receptionist before leaving the place for good.

She could feel the breeze of fall seeping through her thin coat. Fastening her steps to the train station, she's becoming aware of her rising heartbeat. Did it come from the adrenaline or anxiety, she didn't understand. After all, she's supposed to meet an unknown man her mother told her to, as it's really time women her age to get married. _See if you like him or not_, her mother said. To be quite honest, Shiraishi felt quite grateful for her parents opting to give her the freedom to have a say in this matter at all, since they're quite appalled when she told them she want to go to the university. Well, she's made up her mind to do this, one of her duties she had to fulfil one of these days.

She absentmindedly stood inside the train, opting not to take a seat for her stop is only a station away. Fiddling with the bows of ruffled dress shirt, she made sure everything looked perfect. There's nothing wrong with trying to make a good first-impression anyway, be it for anyone. The rest of the short journey she spent enjoying the sceneries offered through the windows.

Just before stepping out from the carriage, she noticed him. The guy, Aizawa, was it? At the other end of the car, also getting out, apparently dressed with a more formal kind of suit than the one she usually met him in. Not that she took notice of it deliberately. She brushed-off the thought, telling herself she's in a much more crucial predicament. She couldn't be late.

Shiraishi reached the restaurant the supposed date was to take place in, told her name to the receptionist and was led to a quite private part of the shop. Her mother only told her to do as she did before, not even telling her the name of the man she's supposed to meet. She really didn't know what to expect when she saw that she arrived first, no sign of a man on the place she was led to.

_Will he thought of me as a desperate woman? _Was all she could think of, starting to regret her decision.

_What if he took a raincheck on this—, why am I even doing this? _

She's started to came up with all sorts of scenarios in her head as she heard the bell by the door chimed, indicating someone entering the shop. Her train of thoughts momentarily stopped and she looked upon the door's direction, just to find Aizawa walking in, with an enormous bouquet of flowers in his hands. She instinctively tried to hide her face with the menu-book, not wanting to be seen in such a state. Diverting her attention to the view offered by the large windows, she tried to be as inconspicuous as possible.

"I'm sorry to keep you waiting. I'm Aizawa Kousaku. Pleased to meet you."

When she heard the voice, Shiraishi could only feel her jaw drop in a very unfeminine way. Her senses only came back to her when he faked an awkward cough. She stood up and received the bouquet he bought for her, albeit still being completely puzzled over everything.

* * *

"Aizawa,"

Said male merely nodded to the female as a form of acknowledgement, continuing his steps towards the heliport. With two coffee cans in his hands, he fastened his walking not wanting to miss a second.

"If you're hoping to find Shiraishi in the heliport, you're out of luck." Hiyama stated in a matter-of-fact manner, succeeded in halting his movements.

"She's really out of it today, you know," she let out a small knowing smirk, hoping to see a change in the stoic former flight doctor's expression to no avail.

"But she looked amazing just before she left for the station, I think she's really going to do this _omiai _properly to make her mother happy."

Without another word, Aizawa left the vicinity of the emergency office. He quickly changed out to his street clothes and clocked off, hoping to catch her just in time. He failed spotting her at the platforms, feeling all sorts of pressure remembering which route he should take. He heard the hospital gossips as to where she's headed, he just wished he took the right train.

He decided to search for her from the very first carriage, in between all the commuters merely trying to get home. He had texted her, asking of her whereabouts and _why did you have to leave when I clearly told you I have to talk to you about something_ but no answer ever came. It's quite hard with every carriage full of people, but the desperation led him to do this sort of illogical thing.

Nearly by the end of the train set, he almost gave up. As he wiped the sweat transpiring in his forehead, he spotted her. Dressed in a nice black dress without any coat, her eyes was closed as she's sitting. Calming himself, Aizawa decided to approach the woman quietly as he finally found her.

"Shiraishi," he called for her faintly, unsure of what to say, and not knowing what else to do.

When she heard the familiar voice she really longed for, she opened her eyes. Aizawa's really in front of her, but she wondered in confusion at the situation. She really couldn't comprehend him. It's just too hard to do.

"I'm glad I found you,"

"Well, I'm here," she replied, testing the waters. "To what am I worth the visit? You're supposed to observe another of Saijou-sensei's operation, right?"

"I…"

He couldn't come up with proper words, explanations. For a while, he fiddled with his thumb, as if thinking hard of what to say. But it never came. She gave up waiting.

"Do you even know what you're doing here?"

"I'm stopping you to go on that marriage meeting,"

"Do you even hear yourself?"

He kept another silence, he knew he's supposed to say something, tell her what she means to him, all the words she needed to hear.

The both knew, they have this unspoken agreement of being always there for each other, that's just what comrades to for each other. Being understanding but also criticizing mistakes each made, for the sake of growth. But she didn't know if she wanted him to be more than a confidante, as she's not sure of his feelings. She didn't want to loose this very precious relationship they built over the years over mere feelings she's not even sure yet. There's always this imaginary line they're trying to cross every time. Just when someone crossed it, it'd be put right back to its rightful place somehow.

A flash of thought came up suddenly on her mind. How convenient it would be, if the one she's meeting turned out to be Aizawa. At least they could enjoy the night as comrades. She didn't knew why the thought even materialized but somehow she felt like it happened before. When, she didn't understand. She was about to say what she thought of, when she heard him, and felt the warmth of his hand on her arms.

"Can you not go?"

His voice sounded so much like a plea she really wanted to heed, but when she remembered her mother, she decided to seal all her genuine feelings. The train was put on a halt as they arrived at her supposed station.

She stood up and took his hands off of hers, mind made. She met his eyes and smiled, one full with bitterness and vain hope.

"I..don't want to be rude. I really have to go." and she exit the carriage, doors closed behind her, leaving a very disconcerted Aizawa inside.

She knew she was running away. But what she's running away from, she didn't understand. She could only felt the pang of emptiness in her heart, constricting everytime it beats.

* * *

Aizawa Kousaku turned out to be a very fine young man in which Shiraishi found instant connection with. The fact that they're of similar age helped, and that they have similar interests also played a great deal of making the meeting less awkward than she thought it would be. She might have thought he's quite charming, just, a little aloof once in a while. By the time they run out of topics to talk about, it was already quite late, the sky dark and wind coldy breezing.

"I'm going to walk you home, if that's alright with you?"

The gentleman he was, he offered to accompany her, making sure of her safety. She could only nod in agreement, not knowing what else to do. Shiraishi's still very much disconcerted over the whole thing, how they ended up in this predicament together. But in the meantime, she's going to enjoy getting to know the man better.

She might have to tell her mother she actually liked the guy later. It was actually a _very_ good day.


	5. the raging storm

_warning: the second half of the chapter contains triggering parts (tragedy tag, hi!). not too graphic in my opinion but do proceed with caution._

* * *

Shiraishi did made up her decision to attend the arranged _omiai_ date, but she really couldn't help it, that her mind resist processing everything properly. Since the time her mother asked to do this, she couldn't think straight. She had other things prioritised initially— like her career, for the most part— and marriage seemed like a very abstract concept in her mind. She knew she'd like to settle down someday, just, not this soon. But she didn't have the heart to let her mother down, since she said the guy she's supposed to meet is her very good friend's son. Supposed she have to play the part of a perfect daughter she is, once again.

She tried, she really tried, having no judgement whatsoever towards her date. At first glance, he seemed to be a nice person. He had nice features, only not too remarkable. He was dressed perfectly for the occasion, and by the time Shiraishi arrived at the high-class restaurant he reserved, the man was already there waiting for her. _That's a good start_, she mused, trying to entertain herself.

But then, she could see he was quite nervous, finding it hard to keep up a conversation with her. It was partially her fault, answering his questions shortly and not initiating anything. As they enjoyed their full-course meal and wine, she felt it, his effort to know more about her. She couldn't say the same thing about herself though, only wishing the guy will not be too offended after the date ended.

"So I heard you're a flight doctor?"

"Yes."

"Isn't it a very tiring job?"

"..indeed. But a very rewarding one,"

"I see. You see, I'm an Architect. In fact, this building we're having dinner in, it's one of a project my firm completed. I was just one of the juniors when we did this but now they've been letting me handle more complicated and commercial projects."

"Ah. it's a very nice building," Shiraishi looked through her surrounding, and she had to admit it was a job well done. Just that she's not so invested in it.

"Shiraishi-_san_, what kind of a home would you like to have?"

The question caught her off-guard, and it prompted her to actually think. Before she got to answer though, the man beat her to explain his own preferences.

"For me, I'd like to have a big home. A large enough garden to let me got over my stress from work,"

A large garden, she would like that too. But a big home, she didn't think it'd be practical for her. She barely had time to tidy up her small apartment, it'd be too much of a nuisance.

"I think I'd prefer a reasonably sized apartment, just enough for me and…my partner,"

She paused in the middle of answering, because she had thought of something ridiculous. When she pictured her future home, all she could see was her and Aizawa together, spending their nearly-nonexistent off-day snuggling on the bed. A rush of blood stroke her cheeks as she nearly let his name out from her mouth. Feeling a tinge of embarrassment, she took a sip of the wine served, darting her eyes sideways. Anywhere else but the man.

"If you become my partner, you'd not have to worry about the size of the house though. Since I'd like my partner to be a house-maker, I think you'd be bored if it's only a small apartment. Won't a big house a better choice?"

Shiraishi smiled uncomfortably at the statement. The audacity the man had, assuming she'd be his partner. For starters, she didn't think she would give up the job she's put her blood, sweat and tears into only for the purpose of marriage. She still have a long way to go, needing to become stronger by herself.

_He's showing his true colors_, _calm down, Megumi. _

The rest of the conversation kept getting worse. Trying to tolerate the man, Shiraishi replied his questions civilly without too much thoughts. By the time they finished the meal, she felt more worn out than she's ever been. She already had a rough day in lifesaving, it just had to get worse in the night. Honestly, she longed for the warmth of her own apartment, where she could contemplate the decision she made, coming to this _omiai_ meeting.

With the excuse she got the early shift for tomorrow, she said her goodbye the instant he finished paying for the meal. Of course she conveyed her gratefulness, but not in a manner that let the man may hope for another meeting. She politely declined his offer of dropping her home in his fancy car, opting to go back alone even when she saw the sky showed signs of impending storm.

Halfway through the trip to the train station, the sky finally let out her cries. Shiraishi usually always bring her umbrella but just for today, she seemed to have left it on her locker in the hospital. _Could the day even get any worse— _she heaved a sigh, and let the rain pour on her, looking upward to the sky. She accepted her fate and choose to continue heading towards the station albeit the rain, since it's just a few hundred metres away.

Dripping wet, she earned looks from people inside the station. She paid them no heed, still entering her supposed train with trails of water following her steps. Her usual self won't ever permit this, but she really had a bad day she didn't even care anymore. To minimize the damages she'd bring, she settled on the very end of the last carriage, leaning on one of the walls. She folded her arms in front of her body and closed her eyes, letting her train of thoughts swept away by the moving train.

* * *

Shiraishi thought it would be awkward, having the person she just really got to know escorting her home but in fact, she found his presence reassuring. All in all, Aizawa Kousaku's been a really good company, his simple actions even got her heart beating undeniably faster. He had been very kind to her every time she did him wrong and this time he's even going to such great lengths to make sure she'll arrive home safely.

They're both standing next to each other in the quite packed train, the bouquet of flowers he gave her safely tucked on his hands. He had involuntarily took it from her earlier, when he saw she's got quite a problem handling it. "I'll help you bring this," he said sheepishly, the way he did she could not say no to. She found out that they actually get off on the same station, so it's less guilt on her.

"I had never ride the train this late," she started a conversation, scanning her surroundings in awe.

"Glad to know that," Aizawa stated, "It's not perfectly safe for everyone to do so," he darted his eyes, as if telling her to notice the existence of the American soldiers inside the train. When she did, she mouthed an 'o', nodding in understanding.

"In fact, I'm really sorry it's really became this late," he apologized once again, one she's had enough of receiving.

"When the other party contributed to the happenings, an apology is not needed."

She saw him letting out a small smile, and they both spent the rest of the journey in a comfortable silence.

The train was nearing their destination station when they heard it, a commotion from another carriage approaching them. Naturally, all of the people in their car began to be curious, anxiety creeping in the chilly night. Aizawa noticed the door connecting the carriages being opened, with a seemingly drunken man in a heated argument with another man entering the car they're in.

Nobody knew what the commotion was about, just that the argument become violent soon. The drunken man had knocked the other man off hard, just right in front of Aizawa. It made exclamations of shock from all the passengers echoed, Shiraishi's included. She had never experienced fear this close for so long, she really didn't know what to think or do. Her attention then shifted as Aizawa handed her the bouquet of flowers and she felt him led her to stand more aback in urgency.

Then he proceeded to intervene the fight, first crouching down to help the knocked-off man up. The drunken man must've found it a nuisance, for he started to snarl at the scene in front of him. Aizawa's still busy helping out the other man to stand up, when Shiraishi noticed it. The drunken man reached for his pockets sloppily, searching for something. When it seemed like he found what he's looking for inside his suits' pocket, he let out a menacing laugh.

She saw it, the flash of light reflected from the metal.

And then, she heard a loud bang that silenced everything.

When she realized what the piece of metal was, it was already too late. She had already saw everything in slow motion— the bullet aimed at Aizawa, his body falling to the ground, and his blood exuding rapidly from where the bullet decided to be nestled.

* * *

When she opened her eyes, Shiraishi felt like she woke up from a horrific nightmare, just that she didn't have any recollection of its contents. Her heart was heavy with anxiety, one she didn't know where the wariness ame from. Her dress was still dripping wet, and there was a poodle of water marking the place she was standing in. When she realized the train was put on a halt, she quickly took notice of the station name and get off frantically, tears started to swell in her eyes.

Aizawa didn't understand why, but he found himself standing unmoving in front of Shiraishi's home station. He supposed he's waiting for her, or it was just a way of him to repent. He didn't even know if she'd use the train again, but he's there anyways. He didn't know how long he's been waiting, practising all sorts of words he supposed he needed to say, until he finally noticed a familiar figure running out of the platforms hurriedly. The figure kept getting closer. Once he could see it clearer, he saw her, clothes dripping wet of waters, cheeks stained with tears. Taken aback noticing the state she was in, Aizawa let out a squall uncharacteristically, echoing throughout the station.

"Shiraishi?"

Said woman dampened her steps the second she heard his voice. Then, she realized _he_ was there, in the station, seemingly waiting for her. When she saw him, her tears started to fall profoundly, reasons unknown. There was just this unexplainable urge inside her, to let the tears out once and for all.

Before she knew it, her legs already moved against her consciousness towards Aizawa, running to engulf him in a tight embrace. As the heat of their bodies met aggressively, it felt like a missing puzzle piece found its place to the both of them.

"I'm sorry," she sobbed on his chest, letting him see all the vulnerable sides of her once again.

Wondering what she's talking about and what made her cry this much, Aizawa could only run his hands through her back in hope to soothe the woman. He felt like it was the only right thing to do. Explanations could wait, as they finally found their way to each other.

* * *

notes: will anyone wish me death if I say this is the end?


	6. the aftermath of the storm

Never even in his wildest imagination, Aizawa Kousaku could see this happening. But reality sometimes offer more than he could imagine as he found himself huddled up in her bathtub, with Shiraishi in his arms. He could feel her hunched back on his chest, her slim legs in between his, and the soft skin of her waist he's encircling beneath the warm water and the sweet-scented foam used.

He could only hear the sound of their breaths in between the water's splatter. And maybe also his rapidly beating heartbeat, if not hers too. Shiraishi was too out of it after the whole train station fiasco, he didn't have the heart to left her alone after making sure she's home.

"Stay," she said, with another round of tears ready to brim. Maybe she had already knew his weakness that is her tears and was taking the advantage of it. He had to practically led her inside the bathroom to make the woman immediately take a bath not to let her caught a cold, but a few minutes after the water had stopped running, he could see her silhouette unmoving through the acrylic door.

Aizawa had called for her from the outside, but she showed no signs of shifting. "Shiraishi," he knocked on the door, and it moved unintentionally. She hadn't locked it, and he was unsure of what to make with the fact.

"Shiraishi, are you okay?"

No reply came, and it was beginning to worry him. They both have to clock in early tomorrow, and if this continued, he didn't know what would turned up, as his clothes was also pretty wet. "I'm coming in," he took slow steps, unsure if it was the right thing to do. As he got inside the bath area, she was still completely clothed so he didn't have to worry being suspected to take advantage of her. "Shiraishi, you should really get…"

"Help me," she cut him off. He could see her eyes, lost and confused, trying to grasp the reality. She close the gap between their bodies once again, longing for his warmth. Aizawa stilled, his thumb moving habitually in doubt. When he sensed she's not letting go anytime soon, he heaved a sigh.

"Are you sure?"

He could feel her her nodding in his shoulders, and he moved his hands upwards along her back, trying to reach the zipper of her dress. He slowly pulled it down, her dress, and the next thing he knew they're already huddled together inside the bathtub. He could have taken her right there, in her vulnerable state, but he know it was not the right thing to do.

"So, are you going to explain to me why are we even in this predicament?" Aizawa asked softly, when he felt her leaning her head on his shoulders. She had put her arms over his, placing a tight grip on it.

"Did your date do something really awful?"

Shiraishi merely shook her head, still unable to answer coherently.

"I really don't know what to tell you," she sighed in exasperation. Aizawa knitted his eyebrows, sensing her confusion, but not pressing her buttons.

"There's something in the back of my mind, telling me to stay away from you,"

It was his turn being silent, as he didn't know how to properly react to what she said.

"I can't even pinpoint what it is, silly me, it's just, all I can feel is I'm scared," she nearly let out another tear.

"Scared?" he sniffed her shampoo-scented hair, waiting for her answer.

"That something bad may happen to you if we keep getting closer."

It might have opened Shiraishi's pandora box, as she let out another streak of tears down her cheeks. He ran his thumb over her face, wiping the stain of tears left. He moved her body so that he could see her eye to eye, working on what to say to calm the woman. She still has her eyes closed, but when she feel the shift, it fluttered opened.

"I'd rather get hurt because of you," Aizawa said in a firm voice, thumbs still over her cheeks.

Then, he saw the clarity in her eyes staring at him, awakening his senses. He dipped down for a kiss, one she reciprocated almost immediately as their lips met tenderly, as if all the time in the world is theirs.

* * *

Notes: Yes, this is the end. I hope it's been an enjoyable read to everyone. This is one of my longest story written as one body of work to date and I'm just grateful I can finish this. There's some things I'd like to share to all of you regarding the story, if you'd like to know.

First, if it's not obvious enough, the dreams or visions or daydreams Shiraishi had but cannot pinpoint (also why this is titled presque vu), it's excerpts from her previous life. It was set around the end of World War II, hence the reference to "the newly opened train station" and "American soldiers" and everything. The initial idea for the story was Shiraishi getting strange dreams of a same guy every time she's on the train and I was planning to write a mystery AU of some sort but that fall through haha so this is what we've come to.

Second, on why it's set around the end of WWII. I had really wanted to kill Aizawa in this, with the scenario of him shot but Japan is a very safe country with nearly zero rate of gun crime nowadays so I had to work it on the time when it was still not the safe country it is now. Did some research on my part, then coming to the conclusion this should be okay. Also, I love war time scenarios (grins evilly).

Third, I was not actually planning to write this last chapter, wanting to end the story with the hug scene in the station but then I guess Shiraishi and Aizawa deserve a conversation. I didn't even know I'd get to write a borderline-M-rated scenario, even when it's not too explicit or heated in any way XD It was planned to be a very innocent Aizawa-helping-Shiraishi-drying-her-hair-after-the-shower-with-the-hairdryer but I guess it's going to be boring and that it's so hard having conversation with the loud dryer sound so I came up with this. I'm sorry if it's super lame though, and get them out of character.

Okay that's all. I don't know if anyone would read this until the end, but once again I hope you guys enjoy this! If you have any thoughts, please do tell me!

Until another story, then.


	7. pdf version

Hi!

I'm sorry this is not an actual chapter, but I want to express my gratitude for readers and voters who chose this work as one of their favorite story, awarding the story the runner up for Kris' (babyshazam on ff, aishiraburu on twitter) Aishira fanfic festival! I'm glad to know that this work could be enjoyed. It's one of my longest work to date, and I was kind of proud of myself being able to write this, despite all the lacking parts.

I actually made a pdf version (with grammar and typos revision) of the story— mostly for myself because this is my baby— but I'd like to share it with everyone! I posted the link on my twitter a few days ago I'm gonna leave it here again just in case.

_**bit. ly / presvu (remove the spaces)**_

Once again, thank you for the love for this humble work. I wish I could meet you guys again soon with another work!


End file.
